How to make a bad Apple Pie.

This post is a short, unedited, raw, opinionated, free flowing, recitation of my thoughts. I thought I’d change it up a bit. Be warned!

Apple, you little fruit! You had the world in the palm of your manipulative hand. You pulled the strings of the puppet we call technology. You had tech journalists adoring your every move, jealous business leaders envying you, and fan boys people showering you with love and compliments, willing to bash the competition without any deductive logic or reasonable causation. Un-rightfully and prudently so, you were walking on water, and your stockholders- walking away with cash. A utopia of clever advertising, marketing, and brand loyalty. If you were a grade 4 student, you’d have the most golden stars, the most smiley faces, you’d be the teachers pet. Heck, you wouldn’t even need a washroom pass.

So what in the world happened Apple!?

Developing a phone that can’t even do the most basic function that a phone is supposed to do is in fact the first of many mistakes on the behest of Apple. Going on to deny that there is a flaw with their new iPhone 4 really pushed most consumers and industry reporters over the edge. It was the final blow that was needed for this entire backlash. Bad move Apple, bad move. Steve Jobs is now a hated man, while Bill Gates is curing Malaria. Whoa! hang on tight, I think we just entered the twilight zone. And by twilight zone I mean kitchen. So get your spatula, a measuring cup, and your Apple inspired metallic, glossy, overly expensive iApron and lets get cooking! There’s probably an app for that.

How to make a bad Apple pie;

1 Ban all flash apps

2 Have no support for mobile flash players

3 Limit Adobe support

4 Have proprietary software

5 Have proprietary hardware

6 Close source everything

7 Have overly strict developer guidelines

8 Deny all submitted apps that don’t meet your criteria

9 Develop a phone with an inert fatal flaw and DENY that anything is wrong

10 Add a gallop of overinflated ego

Cook at 400°c for 30min or until hated, serve with cockiness and arrogance. Enjoy!